Anonymous asks:

I've liked a guy I've worked with pretty much since I started there but we were both in relationships so I didn't do anything about it. 

When I was single, a new guy started at work and asked me to hang out, it turned into sex a couple of times. 

We both knew it was just that so it was ok. (This guy then moved far away and we lost contact). 

That was over 4 years ago and now the guy I first liked is single and said he has feelings for me. Yey! Problem: I've literally just found out that he's pretty damn close to the friends with benefits guy. 

I have no idea if the guy has already told him about us or not. 

Do I avoid the situation entirely or see what happens and if it ever comes up?

 

Sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “This really does not seem like a big deal to me. You are obviously worried that this potentially exciting new relationship could be scuppered by some ‘friends with benefits’ sex with a work colleague four years ago. I really don’t see it being an issue. And if it becomes one then you have to question whether this new fella is all he seems, because you have to be a bit of a jerk to object to your single girlfriend enjoying sex with a single guy four years previously.

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

“To answer your question - should you avoid the situation or just see how it goes? I would go with the second option. There is a strong likelihood that your new man already knows about this brief fling four years ago. If he is in regular contact with this close friend overseas, it is almost inevitable that your name would have come up. Let’s not forget: no one has done anything wrong here. If your potential new man already knows about the fling, why hasn’t he mentioned it to you? Well hopefully because he sees it as none of his business. Who cares what you did four years ago when you were single?

“Let’s assume that your new man doesn’t know about this fling. Do you tell him? I wouldn’t necessarily unless you really feel more comfortable doing so. There may be an easy way of bringing it up - perhaps when you are both voluntarily sharing details of past relationships/flings (lots of couples do this, believe me). Maybe your boyfriend will bring up the subject of his mate and, from his tone of voice, you can tell that he would not be alarmed if you mentioned the fling. 

“The one thing I would not do is lie about it. You are bound to get found out. At this stage, I would just see how things go and deal with the situation if it arises. Remember all along: if your new boyfriend is a grown-up, he should really have no issue with this minor, consensual liaison a long time ago. And if he does, he is a possessive fool and you are better off without him.”

Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com 


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