Hi, I’m 18 years old and I’ve been with my boyfriend (also 18) for 6 months now and he rarely orgasms during sex.
He always says he enjoys it and I can tell he enjoys it but he rarely reaches an orgasm.
We thought it was because of his masturbating technique or the amount of masturbation but even when he didn’t masturbate for a few days, he still didn’t orgasm and we were doing it for over an hour.
He swears it’s nothing to do with me but I don’t know what the problem could be?
He’s not on any medication and as far as I know he doesn’t have any mental health problems.
I don’t know what else to do. Thank you for reading my problem, hope you can help :)
Sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “You are both very young and I can understand why you are getting anxious about your boyfriend not orgasming, but it really is not a big deal. The most important issue to address is this: is he enjoying the sex? Yes. That is all that really matters. I don’t think you are looking to start a family, so does it really matter if he does not climax? It clearly does to you - I suspect because you worry that this reflects a lack of desirability on your part. He is not coming because he doesn’t fancy me or because our sex is not up to scratch - I imagine that is what is going through your mind. I’m sure that is not the case.
“Contrary to popular belief, lots of guys do experience problems orgasming during intercourse. Believe me, it is not just a female thing. I imagine you can both find ways for him to finish things off after intercourse - perhaps you giving him oral sex or you or him providing hand relief. Sex isn’t all about intercourse - we are far to fixated on the ‘act’ in the UK. Sex is about connecting emotionally and having a good time. End of. You need to mix things up a bit sexually - experimenting with oral sex, sex toys, dressing up, role play, whatever turns you. Having intercourse for ‘over an hour’, as you and your boyfriend did in your desperation for him to climax, is not a good idea. Of course it is going to get a bit boring over that kind of duration - probably painful for both of you, too.
“As to the causes of your boyfriend’s failure to climax, you need to look at his sexual history. Was he a virgin before he started dating you? I don’t know but I suspect that he might have this issue with other women. I think you are right to conclude that his masturbation habits are connected to his failure to orgasm. I know leaving it for a few days didn’t work but there is no doubt that excessive masturbation desensitizes the penis and makes further climaxes more difficult. Also, has he been drinking before having sex with you? Men find it much harder to orgasm when they are drunk. If booze is factor, then obviously try sober sex.
“Given your ages, I think you are both sexually inexperienced and you need to both relax, be a bit more adventurous and find out what really turns you both on more. That will be the key to your boyfriend orgasming more readily.”
Jessica is a relationship expert for the dating site IllicitEncounters.com
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