I’ve been with my boyfriend on and off for 8 years now.
We’ve been together since we were teenagers.
We have a pretty bog standard intimate life, nothing particularly exciting.
I’ve asked him to try new things and he just point blank refuses.
I don’t know how many times to ask.
Rlationship expert Jessican Leoni said: “Your boyfriend sounds like he is a very selfish lover. It makes me wonder if he is selfish in other aspects of his life. I suspect he is. I often get letters like this and they all seem to have one underlying theme: women stuck in dead-end relationships with selfish men who, frankly, are beneath them. You say that you have been with boyfriend for 8 years and have ‘a pretty bog standard relationship’. You have both had 8 years to change this. You sound like you are an adventurous lover, keen to try new things and your boyfriend sounds like the complete opposite. He is perfectly happy to sit back and have his cake and eat it. Why should you have to settle for second best?
“I think you need to have a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend and tell him straight that things need to change fast or you are moving out. Tell him honestly that your relationship is ‘bog standard’ and here are the reasons why. Obviously you have shared on of those reasons but I suspect there are other issues - a general boredom with each other and a couple who are just going through the motions after a long time together. I suspect that your boyfriend would be perfectly happy to go through the motions for another 8 years - unless you give him the kick up the butt he needs.
“Tell him that your relationship needs a major overhaul starting in the bedroom. That involves exciting new adventures. One great idea is for each of you to write ten wishes/fantasies on post-it notes and put them all in a pot. Take it in turns to take one note out of the pot every few days and live out that fantasy for real.
“I suspect your partner might be horrified by all this change and will want instead to stick to his tried and tested routine. If he does, I would break this routine by giving him the elbow.”
Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com
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