Anonymous asks:

Someone I love very much passed away three days ago. 

We were soulmates and extremely close and loved one another immensely. 

My very big problem and dilemma is that we were both married and therefore i was not able to be with him when he died. 

I want to visit him at the chapel of rest to say my goodbye desperately. 

I am very worried I may arrive and his wife is also there or that the funeral director does not allow me to visit as I am not a relative. 

I am expecting backlash and no sympathy but we truly loved one another and I am devastated he has passed away. 

Please help


Relationship expert Jessican Leoni said: “First of all, my deepest sympathies. I am not here to make moral judgments. You fell in love with a man while married to someone else. It happens all the time and the fact that you are in a relationship with someone else doesn’t make your grief any easier to bear.

Image courtesy of Pixabay

Image courtesy of Pixabay

“Now let’s deal with the practicalities of the situation. Quite understandably, you want to visit him at the chapel of rest and say a final goodbye. I can understand why the funeral is a no go because obviously his widow will see you and probably wonder why you are there. The last thing you want to do is add to her grief at this terrible time and probably confirm her suspicions that her husband was cheating on her before he died (you were ‘soulmates’: she must have suspected that something was going on). Let her and his other relatives and friends grieve in peace at the funeral. But I see no reason why you should not visit him at the chapel of rest. Clearly you are going to need the permission of the funeral director. There is no hard and fast rule on this but, believe me, funeral directors have to walk emotional tightropes all the time. If it is not a secret mistress like you sneaking in to say goodbye, it is separating warring families (squabbling siblings/divorced partners etc etc) so that everyone gets their time with the deceased. Ring up the funeral director and explain your dilemma. You don’t have to go into all the gory details - just explain that you were a ‘special friend’ and you would like 15 minutes on your own with the deceased away from other friends and family. It will be a request they will have received many times before and, in most cases, will be prepared to accommodate without the need to inform the dead man’s family.”

Jessica is a relationship expert for the dating site, 

tagged in

Need Help?

If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.